I purchased a journal yesterday. A real one, with lined pages. It was just an impulse that came over me, but then I realized that I -hate- hand writing. I wish I could keep a journal like that. It would be nice to have something to give to my granchildren one day and say, 'This was me when I was your age.'. Do you know what I mean? Oh well...
I feel... something indescribable. Did you ever feel like there was something on the edge of coming to mind, that wouldn't quite come... like you're repressing something, and it's about to come back to you, all of a sudden, but you can sense that whatever it is, it's coming? I don't know what is giving me this feeling.
I had a moment with Brian last night. We watched a movie last night called, 'Life as a House.'. It was my second time seeing it. It is an -excellent- movie that did not get enough attention when it was in theaters. Well, I decided that Brian might like it, so we should watch it. We did. When the credits started rolling, he broke down in tears. Literally, he was blubbering like a baby (Which is, as an after thought, a bit amusing, as he was telling one of the characters during the movie to stop crying like a baby. Men.). I... had a feeling that I knew why he was crying the way he was, but when I found out exactly what it was, I was surprised. The story is about someone with cancer. His mother has had breast cancer, and his whole family has a history with cancer, so I figured that the movie just really got to him personally. I crawled from my place on the floor over to him, and wrapped my arms around him, and he layed his head on my chest. I stroked his back, and rocked him back and forth, and told him that it was just a movie, and need not be a reflection of his own life. He then told me that it had just struck him that his parents might not be around for very long, espescially his mother, and he didn't feel like he'd given their relationship a good chance, and he didn't want his parents to die without being close to them the way that family should be. He was really, really crying over this.
All I could do was hold him. There's nothing you can really say to make that better. But it was a good moment, despite his pain, because it brought us closer together in a small way, because it turned out that all I had to do was hold him. All he needed was for me to hold him, and my love helped him through the tears.
Brian and I have had a rough few months, but love keeps leading us back to eachother. And loving eachother keeps helping us through everything.